Double-Oh-Darcy
by PristinelyUngifted
Summary: Darcy Lewis is not a real person, and Coulson thinks he's hilarious. Or, the one where Darcy is a super spy.


**Warnings:** Sexuality; Coarse Language.

**Notes:** I posted the following prompt a while ago on tumblr and it's still unfilled and I needed it to live, so I just piddled out a short fill for myself. You're welcome.

Prompt: an au where darcy was a shield agent the whole time being a grad student was just a cover she was assigned to jane foster to keep an eye on her and keep her alive bc rainbow bridges and reasons and that is why she's so fast to turn the damn car around and tase thor bc her mission is to protect jane and also she uses playlists to send coded messages to coulson and that's why when shield comes they take her ipod and she makes a big deal about it so that coulson will have a reason to give it back bc she's in such deep cover that not even clint knows she's anything but what she appears to be can i just have this someone pls it can be darcy/anyone bc i literally ship her with all the things.

The song at the end is 'Dear Darcy' by Joshua James.

* * *

_Double-Oh-Darcy_

Darcy Lewis was not a real person.

Well, not a real person in the sense that the name and background were a cover, but she was very real in that she was a short, curvy Agent of SHIELD, and the Agent-Currently-Known-As-Darcy got to be more herself when she was Darcy Lewis than she did in any of her other aliases.

Coulson picked the name, because he thought he was fucking hilarious and Darcy's assignment was named Jane. Jane, meet your very own Darcy.

The mission was codenamed Operation: Pride and Prejudice. Seriously, those were the kind of things Coulson found funny.

**-l-**

Darcy's assignment began normally enough. She was posing as a college intern, tasked with protecting and cataloging the work of one Dr. Jane Foster, astrophysicist. She left her SHIELD approved suits and body armor tucked in the false bottom of her suitcase, and went out and bought herself funky hats, quirky glasses (window glass, of course), and hipster t-shirts. She caught herself smiling a little too viciously when she found one in Hot Topic that said "All your base are belong to us" and forced herself to soften the grin into something more mischievous than bloodthirsty, but she bought the shirt.

She left wearing it, because all your base are belong to Darcy.

**-l-**

It took her a little while to fully build up who Darcy Lewis was, to really inhabit the character. She said that she was a political science major, because by necessity she knew enough about the world stage to fake any discussions anyone tried to have with her about her supposed area of study. She took to saying whatever amusing thing popped into her head, because Darcy Lewis had never been given the SHIELD equivalent of latrine duty for sassing a superior officer. She was obsessive about charts and organization, because it gave her a reason to go through Jane's research and also because the state of Jane's lab was terrible.

She ordered pizza, and distributed Pop Tarts, and fussed over Jane, and mouthed off to Erik, and made new playlists that were really coded messages to Coulson and posted them to her Facebook page. (The lengths of the songs were coordinates and the genre indicated what receptacle Darcy was using for her data drop points. She couldn't transfer her reports digitally anymore, Stark had gotten too good. Darcy really wanted to meet him, dammit. Black Widow got all the best assignments.)

And little by little, she became comfortable with being Darcy. She didn't have to try anymore, didn't have to think to herself 'What would Darcy do?'

She simply was.

Then Thor happened, and Darcy was forcibly reminded that she wasn't just Darcy.

**-l-**

It started with the storm in the desert.

Darcy Lewis the intern had never taken a military driving course or done a tour in Iraq, but Agent Lewis had. She whirled the unwieldy bucket of bolts they used for Jane's stargazing trips around without flipping it or stripping the gears, tires spinning in the sand, and shouted something about not dying for college credits.

She'd never actually gotten to go to college. She wondered if it was anything like the stories Darcy told.

Then they hit Thor, and he was charging around shouting things that Darcy only vaguely recognized from SHIELD chatter (what kind of spy would she be if she didn't spy on her own agency, please) and she was forced to take him down before he did any damage to Jane.

Except, of course, Darcy Lewis had never spent hours with Coulson perfecting the Art of the Taser.

She looked at Jane and Erik and said "What? He was freaking me out!" And then she blurted something about her target being super cut to deflect their attention, and also because Thor really was super cut, and if he was an alien Darcy hoped they invaded soon.

Later, she would feel a little bad for even thinking that joke.

**-l-**

She took a picture of Thor at the earliest opportunity and put it on her Facebook with the caption "New friend. He's from out of town."

Coulson was on Facebook as her mother (not with his picture, obviously) and he Liked the post almost immediately and commented, "Are you going to bring this one home any time soon?"

Darcy grinned to herself and turned her phone sideways so she could type. "Lol, sure thing, Mom. How's tonight? ;-)"

Then she went about making a fake I.D. for Thor with a watermark that would point him out to any SHIELD operative who bothered to check it out.

**-l-**

When SHIELD stormed the lab, Darcy had a lot of fun screaming at them. It wasn't every day that she got to call her colleagues names and stomp her feet and wave her finger in Coulson's face with impunity. She was maintaining her cover, after all. She was being a good spy, and following orders. And if she got to vent her spleen a little, that was just a bonus.

She really was pissed about them taking her iPod though. She had just downloaded a bunch of songs on there. It wasn't just for espionage.

Then Thor's friends showed up, and there was a killer magic robot (it wasn't her first killer robot, but it was her first killer magic robot), and things were hectic enough that Darcy didn't think anyone noticed her calmly helping evacuate civilians and moving from cover to cover with her taser in hand like she knew what she was doing.

**-l-**

Between the end of the battle and the Asgardians going back up their freaky rainbow bridge, she found the time to fuck Fandral. They were looking for injured civilians in the buildings surrounding the battle site. Darcy correctly read his interest and swept his feet out from under him in a used book store while he was busy trying to find a way to ask her to give him head without insulting her. He called her a 'Follower of Freya' and she pulled his pants down to his ankles and climbed on board, determined that he'd be the one praying by the time their encounter was over.

("Don't give me those eyebrows," she would say to Coulson when she was debriefing. "My mission was to protect Jane. It was clear Jane wanted Thor to nail her to the wall. I would have been remiss in my duty if I didn't make sure that Human/Asgardian sex was safe for her. I did it for Jane.")

**-l-**

When Agent Barton returned Darcy's iPod to her, she got a kick out of the fact that even he didn't know she was SHIELD. And she was pretty happy that she had all of her new music back. She wasn't likely to have time to download more wherever she ended up next.

But, of course, there was only one song on the device when she turned it on. She pressed play and put the ear buds in.

_Well, Dear Darcy,_

_How do I even start?_

_These plain and broken hearts,_

_How I left you in the cold, Dear._

_Dear Darcy,_

_Do you remember when,_

_White lights and wedding bells,_

_As we danced across the floor, Love?_

_Don't you fret,_

_I'll be home soon._

_My boss says maybe a couple of days._

_Just gotta figure out what we're doin',_

_And I'll be back in your arms to stay._

_They have us on some secret mission,_

_Across and way passed enemy lines._

_But I'll be home before you know it._

_Opening gifts, early at Christmas time._

The song erased itself after she listened to it, and she wasn't even surprised. It looked like Fury had given the order for her to stay in deep cover, at least until Christmas, and she was glad. Relieved even. She hadn't felt so normal in a long time.

She liked being Darcy.

And Coulson still thought he was fucking hilarious.


End file.
